


Moving Through

by steampunkwizard



Series: Collection of Tronnor One-Shots [4]
Category: Youtube RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-23
Updated: 2015-02-23
Packaged: 2018-03-14 17:33:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3419480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/steampunkwizard/pseuds/steampunkwizard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Connor deals with losing Troye.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Moving Through

_I was walking away from the security line I had just left Troye in, after confessing my feelings. He didn’t say anything, and I got it. I knew he didn’t feel the same way, but I had to throw it out into the open. All of a sudden, I heard a shout from behind. I turned to see Troye running towards me, and he stopped right against me. He placed his hands on my shoulders, and said, “Connor, I- before I leave, I need you to know, I need you to know that I like you too, and I want to be with you.”_

 

 

I heard a knock on my door, but I didn’t even move. Eventually, the door opened, and I could hear Tyler’s voice, speaking to me, but I was too tuned out to make out what he was saying. He sat next to me on my bed, and put his hand on my back. I ignored it.

“Connor?”

I looked up, and he looked at my blank face, pausing before continuing, “Con, Zoe is visiting from England, she wants to meet for coffee.”

“Why?”

“Because she missed you, and wants to see how you’re holding up.”

I let him guide me out of my room, and we left the house, me still in my sweatpants and overly sized sweater.

We arrived at the coffee shop in a matter of minutes, and Zoe was already there. She stood, and hugged me tightly. 

“Hey Connor,” she said. “How are you?”

I shrugged, looking at my feet. Zoe and Tyler went to order us coffees, as I sat down at our table. They brought me back my favorite latte, and I accepted it with no response, I just pulled it nearer to me, and stirred it a few times.

 

 

_“I love you,” Troye said, looking deep into my eyes, and breathing deeply, he was perfectly content._

_I smiled gently at my boyfriend, happier than ever, as I responded for the first time, “I love you too.”_

_We held each other, went on tumblr, checked our subscriptions, and a few other things, for hours. We stayed in bed all day, and it was amazing._

 

 

“We could have had it all!” I yelled throwing my water glass against the wall. It shattered into so many pieces, littered across the ground, the water streaming down the bricks. “We did have it all!”

I picked up something else to throw. A picture of us, from New Zealand. I threw it too, right where I broke the glass. “Now it’s fucking gone! It’s all gone, and you’re gone!”

I looked around me, throwing my hands up, “and where are my friends? Where were the doctors, when you were on your deathbed? Where were my fucking parents?”

I screamed, “fucking hell!” I punched my lamp, and it fell over, the light flickering off, leaving me in the dark. 

 

 

_I heard the sound emitting from my computer, telling me that I was receiving a Skype call. I looked, and saw that it was Troye. I grinned, and pressed the green accept button._

_“Hey babe!” I exclaimed, carrying the laptop to my kitchen, where I was cooking dinner._

_Troye waved, “hey Con.”_

_“What’s up?” I asked, looking at his face, still gorgeous as ever, despite the pixelated picture._

_“Oh, not much, I just got home from the studio.”_

_“Awesome!” I said, mixing together the ingredients. “How was it?”_

_“It was, uh, interesting.”_

_“How so?” I was curious now._

_Troye sort of skirted around the question by talking about his new song, but I wasn’t fooled._

_“Troye, that’s not interesting for you, you’re in there all the time.”_

_“Okay fine,” he sighed. “Damn you for knowing me. I need to move to LA for six months, and I was wondering if I could live with you. Kinda like a trial run.”_

_“Oh my god, Troye!” I yelled. “I would love that!”_

 

 

“Tyler, I should have been there,” I whispered, drawing my knees into my chest. “I could have stopped it all. If I had gone out with him, this wouldn’t have happened.”

“Connor, you can’t think like that,” Tyler said, sitting across from me. “It’s terrible that it happened, and I miss him so much, but there’s nothing you could have done.”

“Well, maybe if I hadn’t been sick, he wouldn’t have gone out, and it never would have-“

“Con.”

I sobbed, dropping my head into my knees. Tyler watched me sympathetically, but didn’t say anything.

“I would have traded, you know. No hesitation.”

Tyler nodded, “I know.”

 

 

_I opened the door to see my boyfriend waiting outside my apartment. Our apartment. Wow._

_“Troye!” I squealed, so excited to see him again. I hugged him tightly, and then kissed him. I grabbed his hand, and pulled him, his huge backpack, and his wheeling suitcase in with me. “C’mere! I gotta show you.”_

_“What?” He laughed at my extreme over-excitability._

_“C’mere!” I dragged him down the hall. “I kept all your stuff boxed up, so we can move it in together.”_

_“Aww, you couldn’t have just done it for me?” Troye raised an eyebrow._

_I huffed, crossing my arms, “Troye-ee, no. We’re gonna do it together, like a super cute couple-y thing like in the movies!”_

_“Okay babe,” he nodded, humoring my ridiculous personality._

 

 

“I just can’t take it, Ricky,” I said quietly. “It’s consuming me. I think about it every day. My day is full of him, more than it used to, and he’s not even here. I just don’t want to even continue without him. It’s like I have a pain in my chest, and it won’t go away, every breath I take is harder to draw in, and it feels like there isn’t enough oxygen in the world. I used to dream about him, and now he haunts my nightmares. I wish I had never met him, so I wouldn’t have to go on without it. If we had never gotten together, we could have just went about our lives, happy.”

 

 

_“Troye, I’ve loved you for a long time, and we’ve been through a lot. We overcame distance, doubt, uncertainty, and age, and in the midst of everything, of all my second thoughts, it was never about you. It was always about me… was I ready for the pressure, could I handle the miles, would we be okay? I never found out, and I still don’t know, never will, I guess. But what I’m trying to say, is- we’ve been in this for a good four years, and it’s been the best four of my time. Will you make it a lifetime?”_

_I bent my right knee, and took out the small box in my pocket. I opened it towards him, and asked, “will you marry me?”_

_The look on his face was priceless. It was happiness, shock, surprise, disbelief, confusion, and extreme excitement, all at the same time. He ran his hand through his hair, his lips stretched to the widest smile he could possibly pull. He shook his head, and looked up, chuckling softly. I grew more nervous every second he didn’t answer. Did he not want to marry me?_

_“… I- I don’t know what to say,” Troye breathed out, “but, uh, yes, I will. I want to marry you so much, Connor Franta!”_

_I exhaled, letting my terror and anxiety fold into delight, as I realized what had just happened. I stood, and put the ring on his finger, before pushing him against the refrigerator, kissing him happily._

 

 

I stepped out of my car, into the cool fall air. I walked towards the area I had so carefully avoided for the past seven months. His gravestone was beautifully crafted, as beautiful as a gravestone could possibly be, when it was the paperweight above your loved one. I sat cross-legged on the ground in front of it.

“Hi Troye…” I started slowly, uncertain, and still exhausted from traveling. “It’s been so long. I- I miss you. So much. Every day I want to hug you, and kiss you, and I still wish I could have said I love you, just once more. Although I’ll always love you, and I miss you like crazy, I wouldn’t give back all the times we had, because even time cut short is better than no time.”

I leaned back, lying down on the grass, and stared up at the clouds. I thought for a few minutes, before saying, “I’m not okay, I’m really not, but I’m here. I’m still here, and though I don’t think I could ever be okay, not about this, I’ll continue to move forward. I’ll never move on, but I’ll move through.”

My voice broke as I said, “Troye, you made me stronger, you made me better, and though we didn’t get as much time as we should have, we had a good run. We had a seriously amazing thing going, and I don’t think that’s something everyone finds. I have so many memories, and I have you to owe for all my best ones.”

I let out the breath I had been holding as I stood up. I looked at his gravestone.

_Troye Sivan Mellet_

_June 5, 1995 - February 11, 2022_

_Son, Brother, Husband, Friend_

 

“Troye Sivan Mellet, the world misses you…” I looked down at my wedding ring. “But the whole world together can’t miss you as much as I do.”


End file.
